When A Man Fails.

When a man fails. 

You've heard the adage "the downfall of a man is not the end of his life?", It could seem like the end for some men when the help is not in sight. 

Junior was born into polygamy. His father had 2 wives and he didn't know his mother because she died when he was 3 years old. His father was a farmer and he grew up with no education. He couldn't write, he couldn't read the English language and had no means to education. He grew up in the village where there was no civilization and only came to the city with one of his half-brothers who handed him over to a relative in order to learn how to drive a delivery truck.

 Junior found himself lonely in life because his mother gave birth to him alone before she died when he was age 3. His father was in his 70s when junior was 15 years old of age. By the time he clocked 30, his father was already close to the grave. He had no religion, no education and none of his father's children loved him. The only valuable thing junior had was a good heart and intention to live right. Junior was lonely right from a tender age and didn't know how to navigate the challenges of life, he found comfort in going out with the boys he grew up with, drenched in their lifestyle of alcoholism and drug abuse, he became a gambler and couldn't keep a job. His father thought his problem would be solved by getting him someone to marry so they arranged a lady for him to marry. 

He cherished the woman they found for him and his life improved for better. Not long he was married he moved out of his father's house, rented his own apartment and began to enjoy life with his new found love. This improvement was however short-lived when he was going to buy land to build his own house. His father and brothers told him not to buy land because their father had enough land to give his children; they said he should come back home and get land to build his house on, and he did. 

His wife warned him not to go back, she wasn't happy with the thought of going back to his father's house but couldn't stop him either as he refused to listen to his wife. 

The moment he laid the foundation for his house his half-brothers began to question why he would build a house when some of his father's children were yet to build theirs. They questioned what privilege he had to build a house when they were yet to build. Though he tried to stop the work on his site but couldn't because he had already spent much on the project. 

Three months into the building of his house he lost his job, he couldn't afford to pay his rent and he began living in his father's house. He began to move around with the people who taught him how to smoke and drink and relapsed into his old life. His wife became miserable because he wouldn't come back to sleep at home any more. He became a womanizer and began stealing his wife's money to have a shot of alcohol. To cut the story short, He lost his life to drug and alcohol and left his wife with 2 children to cater for in the end. The two children he left behind would have to continue their existence in life without a father figure, without a family support system only a real father can provide, and this is how society gets infected with the menace created by children from an un-organised life.

This is a story many people can relate to, but the misery in it is they all do not know what brings about such a situation. Many things could be attributed to why men fail but not everything could be said in one article.

When a man fails it's because there's no father figure in his life. A daddy is not the same as a father, a daddy only makes a baby but a father makes a man or a woman out of his baby.

When a man fails it's because he has no positive role model in his life, no one to look up to and no one to point him in the right direction in life. A man doesn't have to be his role model; even a woman could make a man aspire to be like her in life.

When a man fails it's because he has no relationship with God. Knowing God is different from having a religion. A man who knows God will always assess his life to know if he conforms with the standard of the highest. A good relationship with God brings out humility in man.

When a man fails it's because he has no good company around him to keep and lacks self-identity. A lion can't eat grass no matter how hungry it feels. Having a good image leads to a good reputation, and having a good reputation is a result of listening to the right people in life.

When a man fails it's because he doesn't listen to a good wife. Bible says he who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. Women are emotionally gifted and can sense danger even before it happens. A man who loves his wife stays close to his wife and listens to his wife has so much to gain in life.

Sometimes in life, our destination is not determined by where we were born but what we do and how we choose to live. Choosing the right path in life can turn a slave into a king. 

Choose to be a good man today is not determined by one's background, rather by one's ambition and aspiration in life.

When a man fails it's because he lacks the right identity in life. As much as some women say men are not faithful lovers yet there are many men who have never cheated on their wives before and will never cheat on their wives till they die. The kind of people have self-worth and identification, they foster a good relationship with God and live as modest as they can.

The failure of fathers is the reason for the sickness of society today. Therapists, drug dealers, prostitutes, scammers, armed robbers and assassins all came to this world through human conceptualisation, if they had the right fathers some wouldn't have ended where they are today. The world is crying and calling for real fathers today and I'm wondering if there's anyone left out there? How many men would choose to train their kids in good ways without minding the sacrifice they'd pay. 

The truth is something has to give for the change we want to happen. some men have to quit gambling and begin to invest in their wives and children's education so they can reap a better harvest in the future, some would need to get out there and look for a job instead of lazing around the house. Some would need to shed their pride and walk with God with total humility. Instead of being at the club with the boys some fathers would have to be with their children at home teaching them solutions to their homework. Instead of teaching the children how to shoot gun some fathers would need to start teaching their children how to pray to God and live in peace with fellow men. I'm tired of seeing men making money through guns and bullets I want to see them getting an education and start making money through life-enhancing inventions like Microsoft by Bill Gates, Facebook by Mark Zuckerberg. We need more scientists and not drug addicts, we need more teacher and not killers, more health workers and not prostitutes. The solution to the problems of this world starts with the family. The world is a composition of millions of family. If every father can solve the problems of their family the whole world would be in peace.

I'm done talking so I want to see men start acting. May God touch the hearts of men today and give us the grace to do right in life.   

Contributions and suggestions are highly appreciated and don't forget to keep coming to abrahamadebiyiu.com.

yours' truly,

Adebiyi Abraham

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